How To Meet Women
68How to meet the right girl
Arguably the hardest part of getting married is meeting the right girl. There are so many questions like where do you find the girls, what do you say to them, and how do you get them to like you?
Preface:
Firstly, I'd like to dispel the teen movie fantasy of getting that drop dead gorgeous girl that loves all of the football players to fall madly in love with you. This is a semi-romantic thought but is terribly convoluted. While you may find that girl attractive, and maybe you even like her personality, love is a two way road. I'm not suggesting you not try at all, but be true to yourself - Do you really like her personality or are you being blinded by her appearance?
I have to say that I wouldn't like a girl that I tried to talk to but was blown off because of her arrogance. That to me screams bad personality. The reason I try to warn you of this trap is because there are probably some absolutely wonderful possibilities right around the corner that you don't even realize because you're to busy romanticizing a bad situation.
Now the rest of this is going to sound pretty scientific, but the truth is - love just happens. I doubt you're going to sit down, write out your perfect girl, go out, find her, compare her to your list, and then marry her. What I'm writing is to help give you direction.
Determine the kind of girl you want:
They say opposites attract, but I can assure you that opposition will be the downfall of a marriage if not handled correctly. This is why I would suggest you do a fine self-assessment and determine what kind of girl would suit your personality. I'm a huge fan of jokes and humor, and my wife is quite humorous.
It makes for a wonderful mix. Before you go out "girl hunting" you should determine the kind of girl you need because that will help you to determine where to start searching. If you want a funny girl that takes few things seriously then I wouldn't necessarily suggest hanging around the local law offices. Not to say that some those women will not have a sense of humor, but your chances are lessened.
Determine where to meet the ideal girl:
Bars and dance clubs: these are the first things guys think of when thinking of going girl hunting. And while I won't deny that many men and women have met at these establishments, they really add a lot of undue pressure. One of the pressures is what do you say? You have about one opportunity to say the right thing. Should it be a compliment? Should it be a joke? Should you just do the normal introduction?
You know almost nothing about the girl you're about to approach and it really makes it difficult to know what to do. What kind of girl do you want? Once you know this it will help you to know where to go. If you're vehemently against drinking, then you probably shouldn't hit up the bar, and if you have two left feet, you probably shouldn't go to the club either. Do you want an energetic girl, what about a gym, or the local jog path?
How to approach her:
If you're in a comfortable environment for yourself, and the girl you want to talk to, then you both will be more comfortable. This is why I discourage the bar and club ideas, there's too much expectation being placed. For the actual approach I suggest a very ordinary introduction including your name. This will say a lot and you'll be able to feel out the situation very quickly. What does the simple intro say to her? It firstly identifies you. This is important in a world where women are often victimized. It tells her that you're not necessarily creepy and intending harm. It also establishes a more personal communication.
A girl can easily turn down a pickup line, but girls will be less likely to laugh at you as they walk away with a simple "Hi, I'm Mike." This will also set her up to tell you a lot about her as well. If she responds with a "Hi, I'm Sarah." That's a great sign! Maybe she's not considering you for marriage but she's at least friendly and willing to give you the time of day. What if she says "Buzz off?" While that is terribly unlikely for her to say, she may already be in a relationship, think that you're hitting on her, or maybe she's just having an awful day. In this situation simply apologize for bothering her and wish her a good day.
What to do if she accepts the approach:
If the girl you're attempting to court is interested enough to accept your approach then simply talk to her about her, and let her know a bit about you. Don't focus solely on her or yourself, but do focus mostly on her. It will show that you're genuinely interested, but she won't walk away wondering why that stranger wanted to know everything about her.
She needs to walk away knowing your name, your type of personality, some of the interests that you have in common, and how she can further contact you. If you're able to sit down and have a long and decent conversation, then I guess you don't need much more advised from there. As cliché as it may sound, all you have to do after that is be yourself.
Have a wonderful day.
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How to be a better husband
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Hello John,
What a lovely story you have there! I'm really glad that it worked out that well for you. I think church is a wonderful place to meet the right girl, but I don't advise people to start going to church to meet girls, because, as you said, it's important to have a relationship with God when you go to church. If someone is a Christian than I definitely think church is a great option.
If someone isn't a Christian than I let them know that they may need to start there first before hitting up a church because they may meet a wonderful girl, but that girl may be intimidated by someone who doesn't share the same faith. Thank you for sharing your story John!
-Debris
John Juneau 2 years ago
Early in my senior year of high school, a customer at the service station where I worked (for those who haven't seen Back to the Future, a service station is where people bought gasoline back in the 50's and 60's), a customer gave me some very wise advice. He said, "If you want to meet a nice girl, go to church." A few weeks later, a local pastor came calling in our neighborhood inviting people to visit his church. I decided to go.
Wow, was I in for some life changes. I had attended church for many years when I was younger, but had never heard the Gospel message. My first Sunday at this church was quite a revelation. In about one hour I learned what Christianity was. Not long after that, I became a Christian and, as you might expect, that was the most significant life changing event I have ever experienced.
God put things in the proper order by having me come to Him first, but He also soon led me to a girl who played the piano in that church, and who later became my wife. I will never stop praising Him for that and so much more.
So my advice: If you want to meet a nice girl, go to a sound, biblically based church. First, listen to the message, and when you are firm in your faith, get to know the girls.